The first week

It has been a wonderful/really rough week.  Everything went great with the birth, and I can't complain about the recovery either.  Compared to the first one this one has been so much easier.  I am up moving around faster and actually getting more sleep at night compared to Matthew's birth.  This little guy only wakes once at night so far if we feed him around 11 pm.  He will get up around 3 or 4 then eat for a couple hours off and on and sleep again the rest of the night.  He is a great sleeper! He is also a great eater. Matthew was a snacker. We fed him all the time it seemed like. This little guy will take about 4-5 oz in a couple hours with a few diaper changes in between, then he will sleep for 3 or 4.  We will see how long this lasts, but if he keeps it up I will not complain!

Matthew loves his brother very much.  He is a good little helper (sometimes too helpful!) but you can also see the jealousy.  He does things to his brother he knows he is not supposed to to get attention, or really acts up when people come over.  We have been trying to spend some one on one time just with him to help him know we still love him and to help with an easier adjustment for him.

I had a few really rough days.  I was really good until day 3 then got really bad baby blues and started to feel myself disconnecting with the baby. I also had a really hard debate going on with myself about breast feeding.  Since I had really bad post patrum with Matthew I went to the doctor and they recommened to get back on medication for the time being to make sure if post patrum hits it won't be so bad (it hit about 2 weeks out with Matthew, well that was when it got super bad and I finally realized it).  We had a really hard adjustment with Matthew. I had post patrum depression, mastitis, he was on the billi bed for several days (close to hospitilization with that), and I had a much longer and painful recovery.  It was a good six months before I felt a small bit of my normal self and at about ten months I finally felt like I was back to normal. It was not a fun trip. I definatly wanted to do anything and everything to try and avoid what happened last time.  This brings me to breastfeeding.  This is something I want to do, yet feel more stressed out than anything when thinking of doing it. I have no idea where these feelings came from. I breastfed Matthew until 4 months, then pumped full time until he was 12 months.  It was not fun, but a bit better for me emotionally.  I have never really felt a connection with my child while breastfeeding that some women talk about.  I was more stressed that I had to be ready to fed whenever the baby needed it.  The first time around I didn't know enough and I was in extreme pain for more than normal. Sometimes I could not feed, so I would have to pump.  I did breastfeed this time around for about six days.  I wanted my new little one to have the best and I wanted to give it to him. I have learned since last time so I knew how to do things so I wasn't so sore and it was a much better experience. Still, I was stressed about it.  I knew this was a trigger almost for me last time and I did not want that contributing to possible post patrum depressionn. Nor did I want to feel bitter toward my child.  It has been a super hard choice for me with lots of tears. I want what is best for my child, like anybody.  My body definatly has the capacity to breastfeed, so I felt almost guilty or selfish if I choose not to do it.  I was already starting to dread my child waking and the thought of having to feed him though. I knew emotionally it was rocky ground for me.  I tried figuring out what was best, being there emotionally or all the benefits of breastfeeding.  Yesterday I decided I will give him the best I can on both accounts, I am going to pump for a while and get a really good stock of breastmilk saved (this will be pretty easy since last time I did this and I had milk for quite a while).  Then I am going to give him that breastmilk and also supplement with formula since I do not want to pump full time forever and want him used to formula for the day we will change over (goal for that is around solid food time).  That way I will not be so stressed, I will enjoy feedings (seriously I have always loved bottle feeding, for me this is bonding), and he will also get the breastmilk I want him to have.  There still is a part of me that  thinks I am doing some injustice but I am trying to knock that voice out of my head. I am trying to convince myself I am giving him my very best.  Words of encouragement or your own experiences would be great...hint hint :). 

Overall however, so far things have been going much much better this time around.  I am very happy for the things I do have and I am loving being a family of four. It feels perfect. We may never get another child, I don't know, but I am content with what the Lord has given us.  We are very grateful to have added Aaron to our family.  No matter what I have been through  to get these kids here it has all been worth it.  Thanks for the support along the way.

                                          Family of four

                                            Thanks to Janae Browing for this one :)

                                                     Sleepy sleepy sleepy