the news...

So we went in for the second ultrasound today, and there was no heart beat. The doctor looked around for a while to make sure. Last time we saw it very easily, but no luck this time.  She said the baby probably died soon after our last ultrasound. The egg sack was still very large, not too much over the normal, but way big in comparision to the baby .  The baby was still super small.    They said seems very much like a choromsomal abnormality with all the signs. And yes, I did shed a few tears in the doctors office after the official news.

What does that mean now?  Back to square one.  We will wait two weeks to see if the baby comes out on its own, but probably not. Its only a 20% chance, most require D&C aparently.  Our doctor is out of town for two weeks, and only he is covered under our insurance, so we have to wait until he is back.  Another option would be a pill that causes contractions and starts the miscarriage, but that option didn't sound pleasant to me.  They said it was pretty painful. I've heard that from more than one person. We do have the option of getting a D&C done at the doctors office or the hospital. At the doctors office they would not put me totally out, just give some other pain medication so I would still feel the cramping some, but I wouldn't quite be all there either.  The other they would put me out, I'd have the procedure and it would be done.  The procedure itself is very short. So we are going to look at what this would cost us before we decide which route we would take, if that's the route we have to go.  We still have 1,500 left to pay on our deductible, plus the 20% after that.  Our health savings is already gone, but we do have some savings for school that will have to be used. (lucky us all these bills this year, not to mention we have now have to fix some things on our car and just payed a huge school bill also. Good times. i know some of you have definatly been there. So thankful for our savings or at this point we would really be in some serious trouble! :) Glad I learned the habit of saving early on, its been a HUGE blessing for us ).

After that?  We need to wait a month for my body to recover a bit, then we can try again if we want.    At this point I don't know what we will do quite yet. We still need time to process things, look over our finances, and see how we feel about things.  The doctor was pretty optimistic that since we did get pregnant, we could do so again.  I also feel very optimistic about that.  I am greatful that we were able to get pregnant, even though it did not work out because that means there is hope for future pregnancies, or at least one. It is very trying to go through treatments, so how many times we do this will depend on how much we can handle not only financially, but emotionally. 

But overall I am greatful we were able to get pregnant.  I really feel comforted by this, that it did work. Its kind of funny that the very thing that is bringing us great heartache at this time is also the thing the brings us the greatest hope.   I pray the Lord will grant more children to be part of our family, and we are pretty confident He will, no matter how they get to us.  We are thankful to Him and the strength He gives us daily. 
On another note...go BYU! (haha just a tidbit in there to get a smile on your face after reading our news!)