The first week

It has been a wonderful/really rough week.  Everything went great with the birth, and I can't complain about the recovery either.  Compared to the first one this one has been so much easier.  I am up moving around faster and actually getting more sleep at night compared to Matthew's birth.  This little guy only wakes once at night so far if we feed him around 11 pm.  He will get up around 3 or 4 then eat for a couple hours off and on and sleep again the rest of the night.  He is a great sleeper! He is also a great eater. Matthew was a snacker. We fed him all the time it seemed like. This little guy will take about 4-5 oz in a couple hours with a few diaper changes in between, then he will sleep for 3 or 4.  We will see how long this lasts, but if he keeps it up I will not complain!

Matthew loves his brother very much.  He is a good little helper (sometimes too helpful!) but you can also see the jealousy.  He does things to his brother he knows he is not supposed to to get attention, or really acts up when people come over.  We have been trying to spend some one on one time just with him to help him know we still love him and to help with an easier adjustment for him.

I had a few really rough days.  I was really good until day 3 then got really bad baby blues and started to feel myself disconnecting with the baby. I also had a really hard debate going on with myself about breast feeding.  Since I had really bad post patrum with Matthew I went to the doctor and they recommened to get back on medication for the time being to make sure if post patrum hits it won't be so bad (it hit about 2 weeks out with Matthew, well that was when it got super bad and I finally realized it).  We had a really hard adjustment with Matthew. I had post patrum depression, mastitis, he was on the billi bed for several days (close to hospitilization with that), and I had a much longer and painful recovery.  It was a good six months before I felt a small bit of my normal self and at about ten months I finally felt like I was back to normal. It was not a fun trip. I definatly wanted to do anything and everything to try and avoid what happened last time.  This brings me to breastfeeding.  This is something I want to do, yet feel more stressed out than anything when thinking of doing it. I have no idea where these feelings came from. I breastfed Matthew until 4 months, then pumped full time until he was 12 months.  It was not fun, but a bit better for me emotionally.  I have never really felt a connection with my child while breastfeeding that some women talk about.  I was more stressed that I had to be ready to fed whenever the baby needed it.  The first time around I didn't know enough and I was in extreme pain for more than normal. Sometimes I could not feed, so I would have to pump.  I did breastfeed this time around for about six days.  I wanted my new little one to have the best and I wanted to give it to him. I have learned since last time so I knew how to do things so I wasn't so sore and it was a much better experience. Still, I was stressed about it.  I knew this was a trigger almost for me last time and I did not want that contributing to possible post patrum depressionn. Nor did I want to feel bitter toward my child.  It has been a super hard choice for me with lots of tears. I want what is best for my child, like anybody.  My body definatly has the capacity to breastfeed, so I felt almost guilty or selfish if I choose not to do it.  I was already starting to dread my child waking and the thought of having to feed him though. I knew emotionally it was rocky ground for me.  I tried figuring out what was best, being there emotionally or all the benefits of breastfeeding.  Yesterday I decided I will give him the best I can on both accounts, I am going to pump for a while and get a really good stock of breastmilk saved (this will be pretty easy since last time I did this and I had milk for quite a while).  Then I am going to give him that breastmilk and also supplement with formula since I do not want to pump full time forever and want him used to formula for the day we will change over (goal for that is around solid food time).  That way I will not be so stressed, I will enjoy feedings (seriously I have always loved bottle feeding, for me this is bonding), and he will also get the breastmilk I want him to have.  There still is a part of me that  thinks I am doing some injustice but I am trying to knock that voice out of my head. I am trying to convince myself I am giving him my very best.  Words of encouragement or your own experiences would be great...hint hint :). 

Overall however, so far things have been going much much better this time around.  I am very happy for the things I do have and I am loving being a family of four. It feels perfect. We may never get another child, I don't know, but I am content with what the Lord has given us.  We are very grateful to have added Aaron to our family.  No matter what I have been through  to get these kids here it has all been worth it.  Thanks for the support along the way.

                                          Family of four

                                            Thanks to Janae Browing for this one :)

                                                     Sleepy sleepy sleepy

Baby is here! :)

I didn't want to post all the details of the birth on facebook, but I am here.  The birth went really well. I was induced starting at 8 am, he was here by 11:44am.  I was dialated to a five when I got there with no pain at all, at 10:30 I was still at a five, at 11:00 I was at a 10 and ready to push. We had to wait about 20 minutes for the doctor to get there, but when she did I pushed about 15 minutes and he was here.  I tore a little bit, but not much. He also had the cord wrapped twice tightly around his neck, but they got it off pretty quick and he seems fine.  Aaron is the name we have chosen, he was 7lbs 12 0z 20 inches long, so bigger than Matthew.  (Matthew was also a week later!) This kid definatly likes to eat more than Matthew did at one time.  I don't have to feed him so many times, which is great.  Matthew was always low blood sugar and would not eat a lot at once so I was feeding him tons!  He has been less open eyed than Matthew and sleeps a lot more so far as well.  I have felt in less pain and able to handle things better.  A HUGE blessing was that I was so excited and in love with him when he got here!  For those of you who know I went through major post patrum from the get go with Matthew and did not want anything to do with a baby when he got here and had a hard time dealing with myself let alone a new baby. More than anything I just wanted to love him but I could not make that happen (now I love him more than I could imagine!)  I know I am not out of the blue for post patrum yet, but just loving my new son right off was  huge difference!  All in all both of us are doing well and enjoying the peace of the hospital.

The end is near....

I am now 39 1/2 weeks pregnant.  Things are mostly going well.   I am dilated to a four, so really I could go at anytime.  They did not strip my membranes, they asked if we wanted to do that, but I was hoping to wait until after the holiday if possible.  We said no. After I got up we asked about blood pressure because the MA said it was high.  After the appointment they took it again, it was still high and they did not want it getting too much higher so they told us we needed to schedule an induction.  They did say it was not high enough they absolutely needed to get in tonight but as soon as possible and I was not to go past my due date at all.  They gave us three options  to go in. If it does not happen before  the date we chose, we will have to be induced.  We are keeping that date a surprise but we will let you know when it happens for sure. :)

38 1/2 weeks

Good news. If you read my last post it talks about contraction pains I was having; they did do some good. I am at a 3 now, probably 60% effaced or something.  He said it was more than last time.  Baby is head down and ready to go. He could come at anytime, but then again I was at a 3 for 2 weeks with Matthew before I changed to a four and finally went into labor.  He let Michael feel where the head was, I think Michael thought that was pretty cool. Heartbeat is good, about 143 today. They gave me the option to induce, but we did not schedule anything because we have never even thought of that option, as I like more natural. They said if you want to do that, call back and let us know. We can schedule for next week, or we will see you at your appointment next week. No pressure, just giving us the option.

New experiences

Last night I had awful contractions for about three hours straight. I did not sleep from 1:30-4:30.   They were not as bad as full blown contractions, but still pretty intense, like bad really cramps.  They were about 5 minutes apart and 30-50 seconds every time.  However they never did get more intense than they started, so didn't think it was real labor.  Was debating calling the hospital and asking if they did not stop in the next hour if I should come in and get it checked.  I woke up Michael to tell him about the pain finally.  I had taken tylenol, changed positions, walked around, not much helped. Maybe next time I'll try a warm bath. So Michael gave me a blessing and almost immediately the next ones were gradually less intense and within 10 minutes I was asleep, and sometime they stopped.  I have had contractions today, but nothing painful like last night. This is a new experience for me. With Matthew I didn't feel any contractions that were painful at all, just kept dilating until they stripped my membranes at 5 days overdue and 2 hours later intense labor starting. I could definitely tell those were real! I had never had so much pain in my life and was throwing up because of it.  So this pregnancy has been very different at the end. Could be a few days, still could be a couple weeks away...

37 1/2 weeks and the Matthew

We had both Matthew's and my OB appointments today, so figured I'd just give a quick update on both.  Matthew did well at the appointment, the doctor did observe he was an extremely active and talkative child.  He said for now as long as he has good interactions with other children and seems happy we don't need to worry about that.  We will monitor him when he gets to school to make sure he is doing well there.  He is still 3% for weight (29.2 lbs) and 25% for height ( 39 inches), so still super tiny for his age. He has always been small since he was born.  He is following his growth curve so they are not super worried but want to check him at 6 months to make sure he is continuing to grow at the same rate.  I am not worried, I was always small with weight as well when I was young. He is happy, active, and is a normal hyper boy :)  He is also a little charmer.  He told the doctor "You know, you have a really nice office. I really like this office."  Everywhere he goes he has something positive to say to adults everywhere. So if you are having a bad day just come over he'll make you feel better :).


OB appointment went well. Not much new news.  The NP must have really been running behind today. She was in and out in probably less than two minutes, if that.   She listened to babies heartbeat, which sounded good.  Baby was more head up, so still turning circles.  There was not a lot of change in dilation.  She did not tell me about effacement so I'm not sure about that.  She said until the baby really turns I probably won't dilate that much.  She did not measure this week.  Just said okay seems fine, see you next week.  Not a huge fan of the girls who work at this place, with the exception of one female doctor who I did really like (who is probably on maternity leave herself by now).  It seems like the men take more time and answer questions or bring up things that you may not have thought about.  Anyway, 2 1/2 more weeks until due date...:)  Won't mind if he shows up just a bit early...but after the 22nd would be great since Michael has clinicals until then. 

Week 36

Got a call this morning saying the doctor I was supposed to see was sick, so I would have to reschedule. Luckily they could squeeze me in in the afternoon so I was still able to go today.  The heart rate was good about 130's.  I am 1 cm dialated and 40% effaced. We definatly still have some time, but things have started.   I was probably about the same with Matthew about 36 weeks and he was almost a week late, so we will see.

I am feeling fine, having ligament pains on occasion, but other than that feeling fine.  I am almost ready to be done. I never felt that with Matthew.  With him I think I was excited, but nervous about the change.  I felt just fine up to the end, in fact, the day I went into labor I was debating on going into work then decided I would just go in the sign papers.  This time I am tired of my tummy getting in the way of everything! I am so much bigger (well measuring right on, and with Matthew I was always small) and it is definitely harder to bend over and get up and down off the floor this time around.  That being said, I want this baby to stay in as long as he needs to. :)

And yes we are getting super excited to meet this guy

Week 34

The doctor's visit today was good, short, sweet and to the point. Heartbeat sounded good.  The baby is moving, really active for 2 or 3 days, then hardly at all comparatively the next 4.  He does move everyday, but that's been the pattern.  Today has been pretty quiet.  I go in next in two weeks, then we are down to weekly visits and November.  Crazy! It has gone by super fast this time.

In other news I am feeling better!  My iron number went up from 9 to 10.5 with doing the two iron pills a day.  That means about 31.5.  It is still not where they want it, but its going up, that's a good sign.  They like it about 34 minimum and 36 is where they are more comfortable having it at.  They will just have me keep taking the pills, and hope it will continue to increase.  This last week though, overall, I seriously have had more energy than I've had my entire pregnancy it seems!  There are days that I'm still pretty tired, but for the most part I can actually get more than one thing done, its wonderful!  Hopefully it continues to rise as I near the end of the pregnancy. 

That's all for now, we'll see you in two weeks!

32 weeks

We made it to 32 weeks.  Hurray :). Baby is doing well. Heartbeat about 136ish, which is normal for this time.  Measuring about right on, 31 1/2 weeks.  I am guessing this will be a bit bigger baby than Matthew, who was a week late, but small.  He has always been small...he is almost 30 lbs now though!  Yes, still in the third percentile for weight. It has not changed.

So I have still been super tired. I wasn't sure if it was just because I was getting further a long in pregnancy, which I know defiantly has an affect.  Last time they said they would check my iron again.  I had to ask them, as they did not bring it up. They checked it.   It was at a 9 (so 27) and below a 11 is anemic.  They asked if I was taking the iron pills, which I have been every night.  They asked how I was taking them (best is on an empty stomach with vitamin c not with any calcium near time taking pill). I have been taking them right.  They said I need to double up on the pills. Now it will be one at night, one in the morning. I guess they will check next time and we will go from there.  I am just glad I am not below 6. If you are below 6 that could start causing issues for the baby, including higher risk for stillborn. 

I am down to the 2 week appointments for the next couple times and then down to weekly appointments. I can't believe it.  It has gone super fast compared to last time.  Last time I was super nervous for the little one to get here in general. This time I am still nervous to go through post patrum again. We are trying to make plans in case that happens.  However, even still, I would go through anything to have a little friend for Matthew and another little one in our home. Even if I go through it again, I am very greatful for this miracle. 

Test Results

Got back the results from the glucose test today, they were normal. WAHOO!  I am so glad.  Since I was just barely above the last time I took the test I wasn't too worried, but didn't know for sure.  Plus I didn't even think about it but ate french toast with syrup and juice that morning about 20 minutes before doing the first glucose test, and didn't even think about it.  That may have put the results up above normal I bet.  opps.  So glad it is over with! I was so out of it all day.   I didn't even fill like I was functioning.  My cheeks were trembling for a couple hours as well. As soon as the food I was able to eat  got digested and enough went through, about 8 pm, I was finally starting to regain strength.  Thank goodness Matthew was an angel all day long for me! 

Oh fun times again!

The results came back from the glucose test, and I was over by like 9 points. They said that is not much, but I still need to do the three hour test :(.  For those of you who have never done this you have to go to the office fasting the 12 hours before, then go get your blood drawn. Then you get to drink a more concentrated drink, and I think they take your blood every hour after that.  You have to stay at the office during this so three hours in the waiting room. Joy.  Four blood tests. If you pass all but one they may just recommend diet changes, if you have more then you have other things you have to do.  Wish me luck :).  A lot of people who take this second test don't actually have it, but also a fair number who do. 

They also said I'm anemic.  Much lower than they'd like. I didn't have that with Matthew that I know of, but they recommended I do iron and they will take blood again at the next appointment to make sure I am doing better. We usually eat a lot of beans, meat, eggs, green veggies, etc., but guess we need more.  Will be working on that. I do get tired easily and dizzy on occasion (once driving down the road, not good, and yes I did pull over!) but I figured its just regular pregnancy symptoms since it didn't seem too bad or often with dizziness. 

Also they did not mention the thyroid. I called them back and they said that it was normal so they didn't mention it. I figured that was the case, but better to make sure. 

Anyway glucose round two is tommorrow....

Latest

Got to do the lovely glucose test today.  It is not bad tasting to me, but I don't like the fizzly in your throat.  I also felt a bit sick to my stomach immediatly after the drink, but it went away realtivly quickly.  We will get the test results in a couple days, if I don't get back to you, they were normal.  When they were drawing the blood for the test they also took Thyroid.  I am not sure why but the hospital recommended they do that at 28 weeks, so they did. They asked me if i knew why. I said I didn't.  (they may have told me why, but I don't remember).  Anyway, thinking that will be fine.

The doc visit went well. Short, sweet, to the point. Baby heartbeat sounds good, and I am measuring just under 28 weeks, which is right where I am at. Matthew always measured just a bit small, so I am not concerned about that at all. Next appointment will be in four weeks, then I'm already down to the two week visits, crazy!  Its definalty gone a lot fast this time around.  There is so much to do before baby gets here.

I am also trying to prepare a bit in case I had post patrum depression like I had last time. Hopefully if I do it will not be as severe.  One thing I plan on doing is using paper plates/cups/etc to cut down on dishes for the first month or two as well as make enough frozen dinners for a month.  I have some ideas from six sisters, as well as costco that I want to try, but if any of you have favorite recipes that freeze well or websites you like, please sent them my way! :)

just thinking

Random thoughts today.  It took us a while to get Matthew here. It took us four years (by the time he is here) to get a second.  Most of the first year after Matthew birth I was dealing with a pretty mean post patrum depression so we were not trying at that point, just trying to get me back to a normal state of mind and being able to take care of myself and the baby I had.  Second year and few months was full of trying and testing to no avail.  The third year after that was tons of medical treatments, thousands of dollars, a miscarriage, and a D&C.  Fourth year starting out with another failed treatment, talking to the doctor about further treatment, a suprise pregnancy and hopefully a healthy baby in the end.  We still have no completed this segment, and there are no guarantees, but so far so good. :)
As I was reflecting and looking back I thought wow, I really have not had to go through as much as some other friends. I've known people who have had to wait 8 to 11 years for a second child. I've known people who have done all the treatments possible and are still waiting to adopt.  I've known people with multiple miscarriages. There are the friends that still don't have answers.  Looking back I can see my journey to a second, as painful and seemingly long as it was going through it, was short and easier compared to some.   Really, we have been blessed.  The journey was not as long as it seemed, and we are extremely happy with two. If we get another, wonderful. If we don't we, will feel  blessed with two.  And I'm greatful....

latest visit--short update

All is well. The baby is moving a ton, has a normal heartbeat.  We showed up for our appointment that morning and they were about 40 minutes behind.  We had  dentist appointment right after the OB so we had to ask the nurse to reschedule us since we don't want to wait another month or so for the dentist. I was bummed that we might not get the check up in. Thankfully they took us in right before the afternoon appointments started later that day.  I will have another check up in 3 weeks, since we were a  week late because of our vacation.  I get to do the glucose test. I have heard horror stories about how the stuff tastes, but I don't remember having any issues with that the first time around.  It didn't taste wonderful but I wasn't going to gag either.  Anyway, not much new.  Feet and hands have begun swelling so that's never pleasant but other than that we are both doing okay :)

You heard the news...

So most of you know its a boy, and although it would be fun to have a girl to dress up and buy cute things for we are super super excited to have another boy! It will be fun for Matthew to have a brother, and it will be much easier on the pocketbook as well! We did not do the test screening.  We were so stressed out that month, we did not want to add extra stress at the time.  However, on the ultrasound there were no signs of any abnormalities.  The baby looked and measured healthy in every way.  She said that it is not definite until the baby is born, but no signs, and we are not worried.  What we were most happy about was everything measured perfect, we measured right on our date, and baby seems very healthy.  It was a little quiet, not moving a ton, but was moving a lot before we went. I have been feeling the baby for about 3 weeks, but the doctor said it may be awhile before Michael feels it because my placenta is in the front, so the kicks are pretty cushioned.  We have a follow up appointment with our OB on thurs, and  I think that will be relativly short as they just go over the results, which the doctor already went over with us at the hospital.  The cool thing is they gave us a CD video of the whole thing :)  So anyway, super happy, enjoy some pictures:

profile

little foot

baby had legs crossed almost the whole time, we were lucky to figure out what he was!

Week 15

Took Matthew to the doctors with us.  We told him he would be hearing the babies heartbeat.  He still does not completly understand I'm sure, but he's excited.  It took the doctor a bit to find the heartbeat, she expected it to be a bit lower, but baby was hiding up on the top right side.  The heartbeat was good, about 168 beats a minute. That is right where it is supposed to be.  I decided not to do the quad test, that predicts percentage that you might have a child with a problem.  With the stress of finding a new car that is actually in our price range, and michael having time to look for one..haha (since ours was totaled when someone ran into michael), michael gone a lot more (at least 6 days a week for 12 to 14 hours a day, not including homework..sure some of you know how that goes),  and me trying to put some finishing touches on a stake activity that I'm partially in charge of, we decided the stress of extra possible worry would not be needed. We decided if they see anything weird on the ultrasound we will do other testing at that time.  Until then we've got enough on our plate, and by then some of these other things will fizzle out.  Other than that things are looking good.
I was over morning sickness about week 12, and have been feeling much better, although still a bit tired since Matthew still wakes up at least once at night.  I hope one day that will change!  However, I am glad I feeling well enough to walk about 1/2 hour or so since I don't have a car right now.  This is good :). 

feelings of our journey

So, getting pregnant again on our basically has led me to ask myself some questions.  We know we have definate issues getting pregnant. The first time it took 1 1/2 years at least, then second time took us about 2 years (the miscarriage during treatments) and to get pregnant on our own again took about 3 years of total trying (1 year after miscarriage almost exactly).  Questions of: Are we really infertile? Apparently we can get pregnant on our own it just takes years for us.  Was it worth it, everything we have done?  Why did we have to use thousands from our savings when barely making it every month?  Did we need just a little more patience?

Well, I don't have all the answers.  However, I do have some. Would I go through this again?  Absolutely.  That is not to say I enjoyed this experience. It is not to say I enjoyed using all that money from savings.  I would never wish anyone go through this; the hormones treatments, the multiple doctor visits each month, the heartache of not getting pregnant month after month, the heartache of miscarriage, the wonder will I ever have what I desire more than anything else? My heart breaks for the many who continue to have to take this journey. 

I have learned though. I have learned to rely on my little family. I have learned to really appreciate them, the fact that they are here with me.  I have never stopped being incredible grateful for our first little miracle.  I cherish him so much more than if it would have been easy.  Everyday of struggle I held him just a little closer because I never knew what the next day might bring.  We never know how long we will get with him.  I enjoyed him. I enjoyed everything about him. We had lots of time together. I really got to know him with no other distractions.  I enjoyed our family time. We were able to have a lot of fun the last three years.  We have had lots of joy and lots of tears. We've seen the hand of God in our lives. We've become closer, to each other, to God.

I have learned compassion.  This one is big for me.  It is so easy to wonder why a couple does not have children.  "They would make great parents" or "Why are they waiting so long to have another" or "Are they going to start trying yet?" I probably did before going through all this.  Its a different story now.  No judgement left.  I am willing to listen and feel what the other person is really going through. I am totally willing to cry with someone, to hug them and say I can't take this away but I can be the shoulder to cry on, be the ear to hear.  I am able to more fully understand what it is to want something so much, yet have that denied time after time.  I get it. There are so many, so many afraid to share what they are feeling, what is going on in this very personal area of their lives. I hope one day they are able to, there are so many willing to love and support them. And if you feel like you have no one, well, you have this gal right here!

 Although I wish never to go through all this again, and I would love to have back the thousands we have spent (you know that would be helpful!), I am glad for the experience.  I would not change it. I grew.  I learned to deeply love, and I learned to have sincere compassion.  In the end, its all been worth it. Very worth it.

Visit three...

We went to the regular OB today for a first visit.  Surprisingly they also did an ultrasound, he didn't give us pictures it was just a quick check of heartbeat.  I wasn't expecting that. They again changed my due date to Nov 30th. At this point I don't really care what it is, it is the weekend of Thanksgiving, that much hasn't changed.  They decided to change it based on last period and cycle vs. measurements like the fertility doctor did.
The heart beat is good though, still kicking.  :).  We won't have another appointment until June 9th, so in five weeks.  The doc said by that time I will be 15 weeks, we can do the blood test at the same time to check for chromosomal abnormalities. We didn't even do that last time, but when a patient is 35 they want to do it since chances of that start going up at 35.  I would rather wait until a baby is born and deal with it then. However, if there was some type of thing that the doctors would need to do an emergency surgery or something when the child was born , or having a possibility of doing that, that may be good to know so they can prepare what they need to.  It will be a incredibly long five weeks I'm sure!  So far still sick most days, however, the intensity of it is easing up at least.  Hoping it won't be too much longer. With Matthew I was sick until week 14, so I am hoping for the same (or earlier, I'd take that too!). He said we will do a 15 week appointment then a 20 week appointment, so we will keep you updated when those happen.We are feeling much more confident, though we are not out of the woods yet.  Thanks for your continued support and prayers, it means a lot!

 [this sentence has nothing to do with pregnancy.  I love looking back on what I've written and seeing incomplete sentences, improper punctuation, etc.; however I'm just too lazy to change it so for those of you English majors out there I apologize. I know its painful ;) ]

The work in progress....

Good news!  We went in for our ultrasound today and baby is healthy and happy.  Well, at least has a good heart beat right now and is super super wiggly! It was so neat to see, I don't think I ever saw Matthew move that much in an ultrasound.  I am utterly amazed at how a small embryo develops.  How in the world do all those cells just know what to become and work together?  Definatly a work of God.  Its  a miracle every time. Here are a few pictures. (Sorry they are kind of crooked, I'm new to this scanning thing)

Little one measuring just a bit under an inch

little hands by the face

actual size in the uterus

We are 9 1/2 weeks so we "graduated" from the fertility center, which means no more progesterone supplements (yeah :) ). I was having a hard time remembering those lately. I never forgot, just almost.  My morning sickness has calmed a bit. Its still there for sure, but its much tamer, at least it has seemed so the last week and a half.   This is a picture of our congrats card from the office.   We will be seeing a regular OB next week for an initial appointment.



Doctor called this a rebound pregnancy. He said that it is a possibility that because it was only two months out some of the hormones were still there from the treatments that gave us an extra boost.  Whether or not that is the case I think Heavenly Father definitely had a part in this little miracle.  It is absolute perfect timing, ending close to when Michael's biggest break in school is.  He will have four weeks off school a week after the due date. With a possibility of post partum again, we could not have planned that better.  After nearly three years we are so happy to get started on this journey and hope all continues to go well.  Due date Nov 28. Matthew will just have turned four :).

We pray for those of you still trying. Three years is a short time compared to the time others wait to start their families.  Our hearts go out to you and are with you.  We love you!!

We also thank  you all for your continued support! That has also been a huge blessing to us!!!

Nothing much

Have not decided what I'd rather be...super tired, feeling as though a train ran over me, or lying on the couch all day feeling like I have the stomach flu.  I am definitely morning sick, and no more worries, its everyday! (good and bad).  I have tried all the natural remedies and nothing really works at all for me.  I have tried the wristbands, ginger stuff, B6, ginger ale (which does work for a while, but I don't like drinking pop in the first place so drinking it multiple times a day is awful), sucking on candy (which will work for a small while as well) and anything else I've read about.  None of it works for long.  My doctor gave me some pills to try at home. They completely keep the morning sickness away, they are amazing. However, the side effect is drowsiness. This side affect hits me hard! Seriously it is super hard just to pull myself off the couch and walk around.   I feel like I haven't slept in a few days.  I tried driving once and I was so sleepy I almost feel asleep at a red light!  Not good.  So I decided to only take it occasionally when I am so sick of being sick that I need a break for a day.  Blah.  Anyway, I can't complain too much because hopefully it means the pregnancy is going well.  However, I gotta say I can't wait for these next six weeks to pass by as soon as possible so I can have an appetite again. Lately nothing sounds good to eat, so I have to force myself to eat something anyway.  Anyway...the joys of pregnancy...so glad I'm here!

The story continues...

This past couples weeks has been a bit up and down while waiting for the ultrasound, I'm not going to lie.  The last I posted I was feeling really sick again, well the next day I woke up completely fine.  This continued for another few days.  It worries me because with Matthew I got sick starting week 6, and was sick everyday until 14 weeks.  Also, on Thursday I started to spot a little bit. I was a bit nervous but by the afternoon it was gone.  Friday night I had terrible cramps, much worse then I've ever remembered having before.  They only lasted about fifteen minutes and started going away with tylenol.  At this point with the cramps, spotting and the fact I had and no sickness I was getting a bit worried.  The next day, however, sickness returned very slightly, and it made me feel much better as far as miscarriage possibility went.   Today was the awaited ultrasound. I was a little more optimistic about this one then I was with the one I miscarried.  We are happy to announce that there is a good strong heartbeat in there!  Phew! We also didn't see the big blood sac that we saw last time and also did not see a huge yolk (good news).  I know we are still in the danger boat, but I'm glad we passed obstacle  number one.  It does put some relief in my mind. Here is a picture of the baby that dosen't look like one yet. :)

They also said it was measuring a bit bigger than my original date of Dec 2.  They said it is measuring 7 weeks 5 days which means the new due date is Nov 26.  We are so thankful for the many prayers that have been said on our behalf.  We have another ultrasound in 2 weeks, so we will update at that time. Thanks for following!

p.s. tonight was Matthew's turn for prayer. We asked him to remember to bless the baby in mommy's tummy.  His prayer "and thank you for the baby blessing that is in mommy's tummy." lol. Little prayers are so cute.

A story you may want to read

Here is a story, not to be shared or talked about on facebook. We will do that when we are ready. However, for our devoted followers on the site you get the privy information.


Tues 3/25
We sat down Tuesday night (3/25) to really figure out our finances, we found we have a grand total of about $300 to contribute to an IVF.  Yep, you read that right, 300.  Pretty much a spec of sand along the seashore.  However, we did find one or two ways we could actually save 30 a month, so not a lot but it will help. Michael also got a 40 cents and hour raise, that could go toward it.   We didn't realize we had so little to put toward it, but was determined.

Yesterday, I was also reading an article from the ensign with a man named Aaron in it (it is also a name we've considered for a baby) and felt briefly a baby would be headed our way.  I didn't dwell on it too much, as it was more like a passing thought.

 I also went shopping at the dollar store  for a few items. I saw some pregnancy tests at the check out counter, and decided to grab a few in case I ever wanted to use them in the future since they go out of stock so fast here!

Wens 3/26

Woke up this morning and was a day late with the monthly cycle, I wasn't panicked because I was two days late the month before.  My schedule has seem to be a bit off or different since stopping the medication and treatments.  I debated using a pregnancy test because I was a day late, but didn't want to waste it.  Then I decided I'd just go ahead cuz then i wouldn't freak out and keep wondering, I'd just know. So I took it.  It came back positive!!!  What?!?  Michael was home and I took it in to him, and we were super happy but not sure we believed it.  We called the doctor and he scheduled a blood pregnancy test that day. It came back positive as well.  I think he also was a bit doubtful so he scheduled another one two days later to make sure the numbers were going up.  They told me to start taking progesterone just in case.  I could not believe it!  After a full year of  unsuccessful treatments, we get pregnant on our own? Are you kidding me?  I'll take it!  We are super worried about affording IVF, and this would be much more affordable, and if it sticks, a definite blessing of God.

Fri 3/28
Took second pregnancy blood test, came back with Hcg 1680 or something like that, which is great!  They say keep taking progesterone.  I have noticed the smells coming strongly and feeling a bit queezy over the smell of meat today.  We hope it lasts! We will have an ultrasound in two and a half weeks to see if this baby is still doing well. I am a bit nervous after our last outcome, but at the moment super excited as well. We are praying for the best, but this is in the Lord's hands no matter what way it goes.


Mon 3/31

Super worried out of my mind!! I was feelings super sick  on friday, and that slowly left and is completely gone. I don't feel any pregnancy symptoms at all, except a little tenderness.  I called the doctor and told them why I was worried (this happened the last time when we miscarried!). I had no bleeding or cramps, but I never did with the other either.  With the other we found out simply by ultrasound.  So super super nervous!  She said I could do another blood test to see if it was still going up. I could wait a few days as well then do one if i didn't notice a change.

Fri 4/4
I was considering doing a blood test Friday or Monday since I would officially be six weeks by then, but Wed night I started getting that heartburn and a bit of nausea.  Symptoms were worse Thurs night, and tonight they have been there, but nowhere as bad as Thursday night. (I always had "morning sickness" in the evening or late afternoon with Matthew)  If I got sick again, however, those HcG levels and hormones must still be going up, so I am going to forgo the blood test for now.  So I guess we are just going to have to wait for that ultrasound and see where we are. Its another week away.  I am super super nervous for the ultrasound.  I'm so frightened that what happened last time will happen again.  Last time I didn't have many symptoms before the ultrasound, I felt good most days, was sick only a day or maybe two the whole time.  Anyway, crossing my fingers.  So nervous!!


Mon 4/7
I have been sick everyday since last wed, at least a little bit.  Some days sicker than others. If you come over and the house is a mess, you'll know why.  Most of the time its afternoon and evening, occasionally its been all day.  Hoping this is a good sign. We will find out in a week if things are going well up to this point.  We could use all the prayers for this little one we can get!!!  We will let you know what we find out in a week.  However, for now this is on the down low.  I have no idea how we were able to get pregnant. We realize that this pregnancy is not a done deal, we don't have a baby, and I still don't know what awaits around the next corner.  If this fails we are not forgetting about doing IVF because we really feel that again, we have currently witnessed our own miracle. The chances of this happening are super low medically speaking.  This is the second time we've gotten pregnant on our own in six years of marriage! Period.  No others. That lets you know its a bit of a miracle right there.

  Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!!!

The Real Decision

Okay, yes this is a random picture, taken when we went to Waterton Park.  If you have never heard of it, it is in Canada, and the deer come super close to people.  I love the peacefulness of this picture, and its never a bad idea to reflect on peacefulness. :)

On to the annoucement you've been waiting for (anixously I'm sure).  As we said, we looked into everything including IVF, adoption through LDS family services, and foster care/foster to adoption.   We have thought about foster care a lot, and had looked into it last summer. At that time, we didn't feel the timing was right.  We looked into it again recently and talked with many people who have done it/ are doing it.  It is extremly difficult at times for most, but has been a blessing for them as well.  That would be the cheapest/easiest way to get children here, however, we have again decided we will wait on that.

 As we studied adoption it turned out to be much more expensive then we thought it would be.  We thought about birth mothers and who they might choose.  I am guessing that most would not choose a family who already has a kid already that barely makes it financially at the moment, who has a husband still in school.  I'm sure if they really felt it was right, they would place, but overall I would guess not so much. We talked with many people who did not like the way LDS services operated, as they want you to do a lot of the work.  In spite of this, we started the paperwork and went to the orientation.  When I got out of the orientation I felt a huge weight put on my shoulders, the whole day was a bit disheartening.  As we started paperwork, we didn't feel bad about it, but not super excited about adopting at this  time either.

It was then we reluctantly looked into IVF on a serious note.  As I have mentioned previously, we had two huge concerns, health and money.   We had scheduled a visit with Doc. Foulk two months ago. Michael had been wanting to cancel it, since it was just more money and we didn't want to do IVF. I felt we should at least get educated about all our options.  We were a bit discouraged at this point, but went in anyway.  We talked to him, and he answered all our questions about health issues and what studies have been done, and assured us that most always it turns out fine.  We seriously love this guy! He is patient, answered every question we had, didn't rush us at all, made us feel completely comfortable, etc.  We really feel he is in this profession not only to make money, but to genuinely help. He really is concerned about others, and it shows.  After meeting with him, we took home a packet of information to read.  As we have talked to others who have done IVF, we have gradually changed our minds, and have felt that we need to do everything in our power to try to have one "on our own"  (in our case IVF).  We don't know that it will work. The doctor thinks we will have an 85% chance of getting pregnant if the water ultrasound goes well (which it should since I've been pregnant twice) . The only "wild card" would be if my eggs were not good at all.  He would say it would be rare before 40ish, but can't not discount it completely.

Only two obstacles would stand in the way as we see it, however, we are bound and determined to overcome those. The first one is relatively easy....kind of.  IVF success rates drop dramatically around age 38.  I am not quite 38 yet, but I am on the downhill slope. My age starts the downhill success  rate...yep.   This may mean more medication, which means more money, or trying more than once. It also means the sooner we go ahead the better. Our second obstacle, as you may have guess is money.  With Michael making under 22,000 a year the sum of 14,000 give or take seems impossible.  However, we will not be frightened by mere numbers...well, we might be a bit, but we will do everything in our power to pay for this.  One thing the doctor mention was his facility will give a 25% discount on their services to certain couples who apply, who the committee deems as "in need."  This would be a huge help. It would only save us about 2,500-3,000 but I will definitely take it!  We will be gathering all the information we need and apply shortly.  However, it could take a month or two before we hear back.  Other ideas include the 5K race August 30th, its a while to wait, but it is a drawing for two couples to have a free IVF cycle or 5,000 toward a cycle.  The more people who race with you, the better your chances. I almost want to do this regardless because I strongly believe in supporting infertile couples! I also have never run a 5K, so it would be an adventure right? Other ways we are looking into finances are to cut back in anyway we can (there isn't much we can do there, but there is always something.  We do have some savings to put toward IVF, but there is no way it will cover it all with what we are able to put toward it. We would also need a bit if a baby arrived, I'm sure for bills, etc.  A bit worried about finances, but praying that the Lord will guide us and help us with ideas of how to use our money effectively to meet our goals.  We feel we can do this. We have also looked online to find grants/scholarships, but so far not much luck. We will keep looking.  If any of you have great ideas, let us know. I am super tired and this is super long, so so long! I am going to bed!  LETS GO IVF, WE GOT THIS!

decision....

We think we have reached a decision. We will let you know that very soon. I think we are going to do a bit more reading and a bit of praying to make sure...tune in soon for a decision on the direction we are headed!!

some recent thoughts...

Michael and I decided if we ever get enough money that we have extra to spare we want to do like a "fertility scholarship" thing for someone who could really use the help once a year, or at least  once in our life. Of course we don't have that type of money right now, but its a cause we firmly believe in, helping others get their families here.  That is our goal to one day be able to do that for someone,especially if insurance will not help a ton.  I am happy the bill passed in Utah enabling some help with fertility.  I'm assuming its not much and under certain circumstance and with a limit.  I have a hard time understanding all that legislation.   We were both talking about how neat it would be!!

Also, just talking with so many people about the different roads they have traveled to get their children is so neat.  Most have already gotten their children, some have not been able to yet. Whether it was through foster to adoption, regular adoption, or IVF cycle, each story is unique, and its amazing to see their families grow and the love and testimonies they have shared with us.  The Lord has his hand in it, even though the way for some couples seems to grow more difficult. Many families have been blessed miraculously with beautiful children. Each story has been a miracle--and I am glad these children have come to bless the lives of those families.

I was reading an old article in the ensign (a lds magazine). It talked about infertility. One lady said she was so annoyed that people would get up in meetings and say "i'm so grateful heavenly father trusted me enough to send me this baby."  It would really hurt her because she would question, is she trusted?  I can totally understand that. There was a time that I may have felt that way, and maybe on a  bad day I still might.  As I read that, however, I thought, perhaps the Lord trusts me with the trial of infertility.  Not that its something I want, nor that he wanted to "punish" me with, but He trusts me with it. He trusts me to be a light to others.  He trusts me to buoy others up going through the same situation.  He trusts me to be compassionate.  He trusts me to be a friend. He trusts me to speak out.  He trusts me to spread hope.  He trusts me to do the best I can.   And yes, He definitely trusts me.

No sleepy sleepy anywhere!

Okay so this has nothing to do with fertility, just decided I might occasionally post something else from time to time since there may not be much to post in that area for a while. :).

Matthew--he never sleeps. Never. Nope, not ever.  Well, okay sometimes, but not often--or so it seems.  Since he was born we have been getting up with him at night (meaning pretty much I have).  He goes to bed really well, although he is starting to get a hang of the fine art of stalling.  He has the rountine and goes to bed about 8:30 by the time he is sleeping.  Then he is up at 1 or 2 then again about 4 and up for the day at 6:30 or 7:30 depending on how lucky I am. 

Now when he wakes he just sits in his room saying "mommy, mommy, mommy" until I answer him.  If I go in and tuck him back in, leave, and he goes to sleep I count that as a lucky night!  Or on a rare occasion that he wakes only once!  (You people with kids who have slept through the night since they were babies consider yourself highly blessed!)  If I do not go in, he will come and jump in our bed. Arg!  Love to cuddle with the kid, but he is the wiggliest sleeper there ever was. I end up only getting about 8 inches max to "sleep" on.  Super restful, I assure you.  Ha ha.  I usually end up taking him back in his bed when this happens and "sleeping" with him until he falls alseep.  Last night that happened at about 2 am...I took him back to bed, layed with him; he was breathing as he was sleeping so I got up and went to bed, five minutes later "mommy, mommy, mommy." For the love!  Did the rountine again, went back to bed, same senario.  I tell Michael "seriously, this kid is going to be the death of me!" After the third time he actually went to sleep. Can I get a loud THANK HEAVENS!! Yes, a very tired mama today.

We have tried it all at one time or another, ignoring him, white noise, simply yelling to the other room "its not morning yet, go back to bed!", getting him up to try to potty, a sip of milk, you name it. We've even asked the doctor for advice.  We've read books galore. We thought it was due to having upstairs neighbors, but they moved out two months ago and it hasn't changed.  The funny thing is I had a preschool child who did this same thing that I taught years ago. I was like what? Thats crazy. I had absolutely no advice to give them either. Somehow the parents must be contributing to that (although their other children slept through the night).  Never imagined it would be here under my own roof. Alas, it is.

However, I know that this one tired mama will miss it one of these days.  She will miss that little boy who would climb into her bed, miss that sweet boy yelling Mommy, mommy, mommy.  Why?  One day he will grow up and grow out of this, and one day he won't need his mama quite as much, and I'm sure, as mothers with older children can atest, I will miss it and almost wish for it back...almost.  So seize the day! Enjoy life, and my little sleeping angel.  Good night sweetheart....

As proof to his credit, once every three or four months, he does nap.. ha ha.

Where we are headed...

You wanted the answer to that, didn't you?  Well you aren't going to get anything out of us quite yet. More like we still don't have the answers. We have actually started paperwork with LDS family services on adoption, however we still don't know if that is right for us right now.  After adding up potential cost it could add up to as much as an IVF cycle if you are chosen to adopt. (although there is a tax credit for it).  We thought the 4,000 they advertised online was it with travel fees.  We were very wrong.   LDS family services does not have many people who love it.  I more so hear people that they did that and they are done and glad. The big complaint is they expect you to do pretty much everything then sit back and wait for years.  My concern about going with them is having a husband who is still in school, not making a super desirable wage.  I know that if the girl really felt it was right to place with our family it would still happen. Most I would think would prefer a family done with school and a good job. I would if I were in their shoes. There are currently 607 waiting families, and no where near that of mothers who actually place.

We have also been looking into IVF, and actually considering it.  That's a whole lot of progress, seeing as though we were extremely against it in the beginning.  We are talking to others who have been through the process. Most however, do not have a successful first time around it seems.  We do know one lady who got pregnant the first time, but that is out of 6 or 7 people we personally know who have done it. Many getting pregnant on third or fourth tries.  Costs very, but seem to average around 14,000 somewhere. (about 3/4 of our year's salary right now!)  Extremely expensive if you do it more than once.  More than 1,000 a month if you want to look at it that way.  We have heard about grants to cover some of those costs and are looking into that. Also we have found out more about the medication, and yes there is a lot. Tons more than with IUI.  Lots and lots of shots. :(.  I am not a fan of those since often I have a reaction because of the alcohol mixing with the hormone or something like that.  I guess I just have to wait a bit longer for it to dry.

We have also looked into Foster/foster to adoption. This is probably the "easiest, quickest, cheapest" way to get a baby. However, the goal is to get the children back in their own homes.  Not quite as many people have done this.  Like I have said before, my concern in my 3 year old would have a hard time understanding if we had to give his baby that has been in his home back.  I think we also might have a hard time with that where we want one of our own, and would love whoever came as our own. Michael and I realize foster care can be super hard, but also worth it for that one child you help see what life can be like.  We have talked about doing this one day early in our marriage. Its still on the table, but might not be right now.  I think I would like to wait for Matthew to be a bit older, but it is an option in the future for sure.

So anyway...yep. That's all I really have to say.  I definitely feel the pressure now, realizing this is not going to be easy, whatever road we take.   I also feel pressure from knowing that we really don't have money to do any of this.  Really.  We do have some savings still, but only a few thousand to put toward anything, if that. The rest we are actually using to live on combined with Michael's salary until he gets out of school.   This means, one, we really have to choose carefully as we will only get one shot at whatever we decide to do, and two, we have to figure out how in the world we can save money for this.  If you have amazing ideas, let us know! 

"And..we did wait in these difficult circumstances for the space of many months..." (felt that went very well with this post, although taken completly out of context. Alma 58:7)

adoption

We went to the adoption orientation today.  Wow is all I can say.  The reason is say that is I realized it is complicated to adopt, but boy it is much more complicated than I realized.   No wonder it takes 6-12 months to even get your application to the point where you can be considered approved to adopt.  We were the only ones in the orientation so it was a little bit weird, but we could ask anything we wanted to.  You have to start at LDS services by going to this meeting and documenting infertility.  Then once you do you can send in an application and they will meet  with you. If everything is satisfactory then you pay 1,000 (which counts towards the last of the adoption, but its non refundable should you change your mind, or your situation changes and you no longer qualify or never get matched up for any reason).   Then you have many more things to do, like find a lawyer, home studies, interviews, bishop recommendations, training that has to be complete, etc.  I don't even remember everything.  It is  cheaper though then other options out there, however, it can still go up to 10,000 and that's probably on the low end, which is about where we'd be.  They do group meetings once a month so you can get to know other people and be able to discuss your feelings/situations with others in the same boat.  These are optional.  The more involved the better though.

So its pretty intense, and we were a bit overwhelmed by all the information at once. I guess it is good for people to know what they are getting into.  The lady we met with was a bit odd.  She was nice, but she came across as talking to us like we were little kids whenever she told us things we shouldn't do in the process. She would shake her finger and say "no, don't do it..nope, never do it" in a talking to kid tone.  She is not the lady we will go through the process with though so its fine, but it was weird.

We are not sure what road we will pursue.  We don't want to sit idol, yet either way seems complicated and super expensive.  We have some concerns about adoption.   I'm not sure if we have the funds.  If you are under poverty level (which we defiantly are) it takes special approval.  In that case, my guess is they would approve us, but not fully until Michael actually got a nursing job.  Also, I'm not sure if they would approve a home study where we are right now.  They look at safety (which on most things we are fine with) and cleanliness, those types of things. Generally takes an hour .  However, we are pretty squished in our place and things like our closets are stacked bottom to top with boxes, stroller,swings, other big baby items that we would want to keep which they could deem a safety hazard because of the possibility of opening closet doors and things falling on you. Not sure that's a safety hazard but perhaps.   Plus I don't know if there is a space requirement. We only have two bedrooms here, and a small apartment.  In fact, if we had another baby ourselves, we would want to move to a bigger place since I don't think we would fit.  We don't want to do that now though because we get such a great deal on rent here and she never raises rent once you move in. We've lived here almost 4 years so rent is looking better and better once we look around. It fits our income where we are at now.

Anyway, i'm sure that was lots of unnecessary information, but I am trying to get a grip on everything in my own head as we figure out which course to take.  Looking at the reality of our choices I defiantly feel a heavier burden than I have previously.  I'm sure once we make a choice and head straight for it, it will be better.  Until then my head I'm sure will be spinning...so we could still use your prayers. :)

What's next?

That's the big question, right? Well, it still is the question.  We have made no firm decision, except we have decided to explore both our options.  The first thing we have done is to set up an appointment with the fertility doctor just to see what he says and learn more details about IVF just so we can be aware and have more information.  Like I said before, we have been leaning toward adoption; however, that could change. We will go to an adoption information session hopefully this next week, but if not it will be in April since they only do it once a month. It is mandatory before thinking of starting any paperwork.  We feel it will be best to be as well educated as possible on both so we can make a good decision. By the way, if any of you have experience with either of these we would love to hear what you went through and feelings and expenses along the way! (you can message me individually if you would like)

We realize it may be quite a while before we get another child.  It could be months to years no matter what we choose.  I am not super excited about that wait. I always wanted siblings that were close so they could be good friends, share secrets, watch out for each other, etc.  However, that isn't how life is turning out, and that's okay. Its not the way we want it, but its what we have been given. We can either find a way to rejoice in what we have already, or crumple under the pain, and you defiantly could crumple.  We choose to rejoice. Its not always easy.  I really wish Matthew could have a sibling so he would have another playmate other than myself.  I'm sure he gets quite bored with me some days. I wish he had someone to tease, fight with, and learn to share with other than myself. Even so , we have been so blessed.  Matthew right now is in a "hugging, I love you" stage. I am loving it.  He will come up randomly several times a day and say "I love you!" and give a huge hug.  I am loving the one on one time I have to develop a deep and meaningful relationship and really get to know him.  I also love that right now we have so much freedom as a small family that we can up and go  somewhere whenever we chose since there are only 3 people to consider at this point in time.  Michael and I sure love to get out and play, that's for sure!

Why Did This Happen to Me? by Ray Pritchard. He says: “Sometimes we will face things for which there is no earthly explanation. In those moments we need to erect a sign that reads, ‘Quiet: God at Work.’ Meanwhile, hold on, child of God. Keep believing. Don’t quit. Don’t give up. Let God do His work in you. The greatest tragedy is to miss what God wants to teach us through our troubles.”

There is always something to be gained or learned through struggles.  You may not see if until years down the road.  Michael and I have seen so many of these times in our lives and sometimes, not until years later did we understand. One thing I do understand, God's timing is perfect, and so much better than mine.  I hope each of you who struggle with infertility or whatever else you may be struggling with, that one day you will find the peace you so desire. God bless you!

the beginning of a new chapter....

This will be a relatively short post, but just so everyone who is following is aware, we did get tested for pregnancy and it turned up negative.  Our choice now as far as treatments go is talk to the doctor, who will likely recommend IVF.  Right now, this is not the direction we wish to go. Not saying that in the future that will change, but for now we are definatly done.  After countless hours of treatments and thousands of dollars, we definatly need a break.  We plan to start looking into adoption in a few months and see how we feel, if we should persue that option or reconsider.  I have always wanted to adopt, many of my best friends were adopted growing up, and I think that started me thinking what an awesome thing it was! Even when I was single I went to an adoption conference in Logan with many families who had either adopted or given a child for adoption and it was great!  That being said, I know it can be just as hard of a road as fertility treatments, and much more time waiting.  However, after doing some research and meeting with some people, if we feel this is where we should head currently we will do it!  It is getting harder and harder to adopt with more people wishing to raise their children on their own, but its not impossible yet! :). 
We felt that we would get pregnant when we started this journey, and it was true, we did. That pregnancy did not last.  After that pregnancy I never felt specifically we would get pregnant as we had before.  I truly hope there are more children meant to come to our family, whatever way they come into our family is fine by me. I would just like at least one, and maybe two more if it be the Lord's will.
Every day until that time we will be thankful for the sweet guy we have been blessed with and enjoy him.  He is such a charmer!  I can't imagine life without him. He takes a lot of work, he is a very hyper boy, but it is so worth it! We wish all our other friends in our situation the best, and pray that you are guided to know how to expand your families as well. Signing off for now,will update as we know things in the coming months and year...thanks for following with us on our journey, which I believe has only just begun.