The decision...

So we've decided to go ahead with the absolute last round of IUI.  We will see how it turns out in a few weeks. Either way, we felt like since it was okay to try again, we should at least try.  We are hoping what we will have left in our savings will be enough to last the next two years until michael can get a better job.  Its a little scary putting out this last 1,000, but we'd rather deal with that, then the question of  "what if" for years to come.

  One day we will be blessed with another, however, don't know for sure WHEN or HOW that day will come, but we know it WILL come!

Well, plan B it seems...

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I did mean to post earlier.  The result from the last test was negative, which I pretty much knew by Monday . I started having signs of pregnancy the week before, and by Sunday they started fading.  I didn't really want to do the blood test, but had to anyway. Luckily I only had to do it once since my score was 2. 
 So what next? Well, we are deciding.  We called up the doctors office to see if doing another round with clomid was safe. They assured us it is.  We are deciding now if we want to continue with another round of IUI, which would defiantly be the final one.  We will have reached our limit by that point.  We took this month off to do some praying and trying to figure out if we have the money  or the will power to do one more round or not.  At this point I can honestly say I don't know what we will do.  We would love to have one more child of our own making, but at this point I would be happy to adopt also.  It would be really nice to have at least one, maybe two more.  I don't know that we qualify to adopt right now financially through LDS social services, and I know we can not afford adoption elsewhere at this point. We have decided though that we do not wish to try IVF any time in the foreseeable future, if at all. We just don't feel we should head in that direction.  So our options are: wait for months or years and hope, adopt, or do the last cycle of IUI.  I guess I can update it at that point when we decide.
Meanwhile, to keep the happy thoughts and not focus on not getting pregnant, I came up with a list of what fun not being pregnant can be.  There are many things I enjoy that I can't do while pregnant :
Eat sushi (sashimi), ride any ride at the amusement park I want, waterslides galore, I can still jump, I am not going to feel like I have the flu the next 3 months, I don't have to try and find long shirts that fit, I can enjoy cheese (ha ha didn't get that priveledge while pregnant with Matthew), I can clean without getting tired, and when we move I will be able to pack and lift.  These are just some fun things, but one major thing I have always been worried about is getting post partum depression again. It was definatly one of the most trying times of my life, and I'm sure my hubbies.  I remember wanting to love my baby so bad, but could not feel it for the longest time.  I didn't really want anything to do with him. I remember being super tired all the time and not having energy to do anything (I know this comes with sleep deprevation also).  I was easily angered, my emotions ran crazy. It was not a fun time in my life.  It lasted like this for six months, and very slowly got better until month 10 when I finally finally felt normal. However, to have one more child I would be willing to go through it again (I think! ;) ).  I would be able to prepare more now for this possibility before a little one came though. 

So anyway, for now, we are trying to pray for direction and enjoy Matthew.  It has been a privilege to spend this much time with him one on one. I have loved it. I have loved watching him grow and develop.  As much as I want a child, I would not trade the time we've been given for anything.  I think it was extremely important that we had time to bond after my bout with postpartum.  It was after that I really developed a love and closeness to him, more than I imagined possible. We've also been able to do so many fun things as a family, and its been much easier with only one, I'm sure.  So I guess however you look at it, we've been blessed. Some of our fun adventures

In the mountains

 Carving pumpkins

 Hiking arches

Food shopping at Discovery Gateway

So on to whatever the next step will be....

Tis the end of our journey...

So as of now we have not found out anything about this round of fertility, but either way it goes, we are nearing the end of our journey. Its been a bitter sweet experience. Realizing we are at the end of our journey is difficult. There are still miracles that can occur down the road, I have no doubt, but not sure how long down the road.  The journey of infertilty is difficult for any who have had to take it.  I talked to many people, heard many struggles, and I ache for them all because I know exactly how it feels.  Some have gone on to success, and it is exciting to hear those stories.  Others have not had it as easy and its still a daily struggle to find peace in their life.  It can be hard to be excited for others when they announce they are pregnant with their first, second, third, etc child.  It is easy to wonder, why not me?  There are days like that, and many days like that in the beginning.  However learning to truly find joy and happiness in the good news of others can bless both lives.  I have realized one thing about our journey is my ablility to share my beliefs about God, families, etc with others has become easier because it is such a huge part of my life and how I react to what I'm going through.  Its been a blessing to me to share testimony with all people, no matter what their beliefs are, and I am thankful for their respect toward me and my feelings in that aspect, even when their feelings or views may differ. I have loved being able to share my feelings, and things I know and love freely.  Despite everything, God has been our support and I am greatful. I have always loved Proverbs 3:5-6 (in the Bible).
The next few weeks will either be more joyful than I can now imagine, or one of those few very painful experiences I have had in my life.  That's just how it is, its life. Life was not meant to be easy.  But eventually God will get us through whatever our upcoming experiences will be. 
I say to all the others out there in our same situation...hope on! There is a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel, keep on walking , you'll find it. It might be in a different place or form in your life than you expected, but its there .:)

It may be a while before I post again at either rate, but I wanted to write a concluding statement, at least as far as this phase in our life goes.

Going in today...happy halloween

The news today was much better. We will be able to do a round this time!  Great!!  We have two eggs on the left (also very good), and one on the right.  The one on the right won't amount to much, but it dosen't really matter on that side anyway. One on the left was perfect size (21mm) , the other is at 18mm, so pretty close. They are giving it an extra day to try and combat that, hoping it will grow and I'll have two chances.  We'll see. Also the clomid is finally taking its toll and I am starting to get a thinner lining. This means I will have to take an estrogen pill the next couple days to thicken it up. Its not terribly bad, but not where they want to see it.  The big day for the IUI will be on Thursday, Halloween!  What a fun day to try and get pregnant on! ha ha. :).  I will update if anything is unusual, but I'll update for sure in a few weeks with the results...wish us luck!!! We appreciate the prayers and words of encourgament!!!

guess I better update...

So we are starting again. We are not sure if this will be the last try or next will, but one of them for sure will.  If we are not able to get pregnant, we will probably start at least seriously looking our other options.  We need lots of prayers! Wish us luck...here we go again!!!

waiting again....

The last few times we have tried have not gone super smoothly, and this time is no exception.  We got the ultrasound done, and we did have eggs on both sides; however, the only one that was big enough was on the right.  That is the tube that is probably blocked.  If we went ahead with the IUI, it would probably just be wasted money.  There is a small possibility of getting pregnant, but its very slim. The other tube would have to pick up the egg, which is extremely unlikely, although it has happened in the past.  They did say that we had a choice, but usually they recommend just trying on your own and waiting for another round. We will still have to take a pregnancy test in two weeks just to make sure.  After that they should allow us another IUI cycle.  That may be our last one.  So I guess we'll keep you tuned into what happens next...

Try 5 1/2

When I called the fertility doctor (spoke to the nurse of course) to get going on another round of IUI, she said "well, you've already done four. Don't you think its time to set up an appointment to see the doctor and talk about a IVF cycle now?"  I'm like um...no, I did get pregnant with IUI the third time, I just had a miscarriage so he gave me three more tries.  "Oh, well, um...let me see in the computer, well okay I'll connect you to the front desk."  Thank you. Sometimes its hard to get past the nurses there once you've already talked to the doctor.    However, had an appointment today, and it went well. They checked also for eggs already because they did not want what happened last time to happen again.   There was a small one on the right side,  so hopefully the clomid will make at least one good one on the left.  I'm not sure if this is my last try or not.  We technically only made it through half the cycle the last time.  However, you want to be careful how many times you take clomid.  It has a small possibility of increasing the risk of Ovarian cancer if you use it too many times.  The doctor we talked to said that happens after 12 times of use, and they never come close to that. The paper I get from the pharmacy says not to use it more than six times, so we will see what happens. I'm not sure I even took it on time last time anyway.  Hopefully we will just get pregnant, right?  If not, I guess we will see what our next step is. We are not looking to do an IVF cycle right away because of the expense and how invasive it is. (with meds and treatment the last perosn I talked to said it was 14,000 ).  We have thought about looking into LDS adoption services because that is all we could afford about now as a second option. Anyway, hope for the best and we will need  A LOT of prayers this cycle! Thanks everyone.

One thing I've learned...

One thing I've learned is that I have absolutely no control over anything when it comes to making babies.  Babies are miracles, and I defiantly leave this miracle to God's hands.  We are not able to try this month we just found out.  (well we can try at home all we want...haha).  When we went in for the doctor's appointment we went in and there were no eggs at all. There looked like a collapsed one on the left side, however, so they decided to do another blood test (yippee! Not.) The blood test came back and said ovulation already happened.  I was not super surprised. I follow their instructions and took the ovulation predictor kit starting when they told me, but it was too late.  I did get an almost positive on it, so I was thinking that maybe it would happen the next day.  I took one the next morning to make sure and it was still there, but a bit fainter.  At this point I was starting to wonder if I had already ovulated.  When we went in, it confirmed it.  The problem started when  I came back with a five last time on the pregnancy test and had to get retested. It threw everything off since they told me to keep taking progesterone.  It kind of messed things up to begin with this cycle, and once you are off on timing, you can't really get back on. gr... But there is nothing we can do. It is defiantly disappointing to hear this news.  There is a possibility that we could still have gotten pregnant on our own, but that would be a huge miracle. (Which they happen, I know, but I don't know if we are allowed more than one :) ). Basically they told us next time they will schedule the ovulation ultrasound a little earlier in the cycle so they can watch it closer and make sure they don't miss it again.  On the good side, they did not charge us the $200 for this visit, nor do I have to take the pregnancy blood test at the end of the cycle.  Words of encouragement? We could probably use some about now :) I was thinking that if we only had Matthew and no others of our own making, we are so thankful we got such a fun kid with so much spunk! Even so, won't stop us praying for another one; Matthew already has names picked out. :)

My boys....just becuase

Its true....

They say trials make you stronger.  I am still not sure who "they" are, I have always wondered about that.  However, I have come to the conclusion this is true in a marriage relationship.  It has definatly been the hardest year for us since we've been married.  Not only fertility, but expensive doc visits with Matthew, and Michael has had an amazingly hard go with his new job.  There is also the never ending question should we move with Michael getting into school, stay here, find a new job, etc?  So all in all its been an extremly stressful year on our relationship.  However, that has been an oddly wonderful thing.  I definatly feel we are happier in our relationships with each other, we are closer, we enjoy each other's company more.  It has been a unique blessing.  We are definatly stronger together.  I am enjoying that closeness. We are also so fond and happy to have Matthew a part of our family.  He is a handful and a delite all at the same time.  We are truly greatful....

As suspected....

Finally got the blood test result back last night. It was down to a 2, which means negative in pregnancy land. This is a good thing in a way because if it went up there was a chance for a tubal pregnancy with other things that were going on.  Those are NOT good!  So on to starting again. Two more tries. Makes me a bit nervous, but we are hoping for the best.  Will get started on  another ultrasound here soon. 
The most unfavorite part of this is getting the blood draw and the lovely bruises that form after.  I have one on both arms now, lucky me :).


They are doing a walk for those who can't afford IVF in Salt Lake.  They are planning to raise enough to at least put someone through a cycle for free, which is really cool. I know there are so many people who would love to do treatments to try and get pregnant, but simply can't afford it.  This is a great blessing for somebody out there.  I am all for this!  Helping others to achieve there dreams is a wonderful thing!  I have never thought of helping others out in this way but what a great way to do it! I am all about helping others who struggle with the same issues because there are so many out there!

These are different results...

Got the blood work done today, pretty sure I'm not pregnant. I had some pregnancy signs, but they went away about three days ago to nothing.  However, when I got my blood test it said my levels were at 5.  This is extremly low (but not low enough to say positive not pregnant, if its between 5-25 they test again), which probably means I did get pregnant again, but it didn't work out. Most people who this has happened to woudln't even know they are pregnant, just comes as a late period. I don't know if it is high enough to get a level detected on a home pregnancy test.  So I have to wait two days and get another blood test done.  She said they wanted to follow it down to zero before they start another round to make sure of what is happening.  I don't know if they will start another round right away or if they will make me wait at all....we'll see.  This method seems to be working for us (well kind of :) ).  The left tube seems to be doing its job.  I am glad about that.  Well we will let you know in two days if it is back down to zero...thanks for your continues support and prayers. :)

try no 4

Got our fourth round of IUI today...everything went well. Counts were lower than before by 2 million, but its still well about what it needs to be.  Cost today was $350.  So we are up to...950 something not including that first doc visit, it will end with a blood test either way. So its about 1,000 minimum each try. Definatly adds up. (sorry tracking that for my info mostly).  Not much to say this time...it almost feels like a routine procedure now. I hope the procedure is successful, but at the same time I am not getting my hopes up too high.  If its right it will happen, if not it won't. 

However, I am glad I am to a point where I am more rejoicing with others when they get pregnant.  It was hard for a long time, and thinking more like its not fair.  However, now I can truly say  I feel so excited for someone else when they get pregnant. They are all little miracles!  It does get tricky when I see siblings playing together still...that's when I feel for Matthew, really wanting him to have a friend and a playmate as well, and then I do yearn for another one.  He will get a sibling one day, I  believe that with all my heart.  Not when I wanted him to have one, but I guess i'm not in charge :)

no. 4

So try number four officially underway.  We went in for the ultrasound today and we have two possible eggs on the left side. One was a bit small, so they are giving it another day to grow and hope it will be big enough to be a possibility. Right now its at 14 mm, so not quite big enough. The other looks great at 21 mm. So I will do the shot sat night and shoot for the procedure monday, but we will have one chance for sure.  So here we go again....

keeping track

This is more just a personal post, I want to see exactly how much one round of trying costs. So I had an ultrasound today, have another one in a week, and each one costs $192, none of which inssurance pays. total so far, over $600

money money money

You know that song from Evita? (the money money money song?) It comes to my mind as I write this post; probably because we just again payed the $226 for the medicine for this cycle again.  Yes, none of it is covered by insurance.  Lucky us. On the other hand we met our 3,000 dollar deductible so we are good now, when things are covered we only have the 80% finally! :)  So we are on the road again, will get doctor's visits set up soon and take off...wish us luck!

Starting over...

 We thought about various options for us, including adoption, more treatments, and simply helping out others by foster care for the time being. We gathered some info on foster care, and decided that was not the right choice for us at this time. We looked into adoption before a bit and have read a lot about it. Today we went back to the fertility doctor to discuss what has happened, and to discuss our test res ults.We visited with the main doctor at the fertility center, whom we hadn't seen since discussing initial treatment.  He said he was getting a bit nervous about seeing our test results from the tube testing and us not getting pregnant via IUI the first two rounds.  However, he was extremly happy when we got pregnant the third.  He feels in the left tube there is SIN which stands for something I'm sure, like salpingitis something or other. He wasn't speaking english at that point...haha.  He said that by the looks of the way the dye landed he was pretty sure there is scarring that is there, which prevents normal flow of sperm to the egg.  It has a small possiblity of being corrected by surgery.  He would guess the right side may have the same thing right at the beginning, allowing no dye to get into the tube.  With that background info, he was pleased that the left tube did work once. He said if it worked once, and even twice (Including Matthew's birth), we hope to get it to work a third time.  We will give it three more tries he said before we would have to look at another option, which would be surgery or IVF (invetro).
 We felt very good about proceeding with treatments again after talking to the doctor.  Don't get me wrong, I am very much not excited to go through all of this again, the emotional and financial stress (and finding 5 or 6 babysitters in the month) make me really not want to go back, and just be happy we have Matthew.  However, we would really like to bring another child into our family, and since this is the option we feel good about pursuing, so be it.  It will be a few weeks before we get started on a cycle.  I will update as time goes on. 
I was reading on the church web site about a lady who had in-vetro with a miscarriage, did another cycle of it with no success, and did not want to at all, but felt right about it so went on with it a third time, and finally got pregnant.  Doing all that is a lot more money and stress (about 12,000-14,000) for procedure and medicine alone.  Looking at stories like these reminds me I am actually very blessed for the little I have gone through so far comparatively. 
Whatever happens, happens, and although I would love more children, I know the Lord's timing and His will are best.  I feel we will be blessed with more children, but when I don't know, could be years down the road.  If they are as sweet and fun as Matthew, they will be worth the wait.

I read another article which had a quote from   Dallin H. Oaks’s talk entitled “Timing.” I really liked the quote, it reads as follows:  “The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best?”<sup>1 

I wish all my friends who are dealing with the same type of situations good luck in their endeavors, and as you move forward with faith you will be blessed in some way.  Love you all!</sup>

Most recent

We were able to do the D and C and everything went very well. I took a couple days to recover.  Right now we are just starting a waiting process. They wanted us to have a couple months to recover.  If we go back to the clinic it will be a $150 review of our case by the doc, but I don't know why he would not continue what we've done that worked.  We are still trying to figure out what we want to or can do at this point.  No decisions yet, when we figure something out, i'll let you all know. :)

D&C

No, not talking scriptures here folks...its the medical procedure.  We will not have internet for a few days so writing this a bit early.  The plan is to go in for the D & C at the hospital on monday morning.  It is kind of a rushed procedure.  Originally we had discussed doing the procedure at the fertility doc's office. They don't put you completely under, just mostly. They said you feel some pain, but will not be with it enough to remember by the next day. However, we learned we would have to wait three more weeks to get in with the only doctor who takes our insurance there.  We will defiantly meet our 3,000 dollar deductible with this procedure and then some. When it all come out , looks like we will pay a few hundred more because we decided to do the hospital route. This will allow us to do the procedure earlier, and if we qualify perhaps medicaid will chip in a bit (in process of applying). We are not counting on that at all however.  Michael is very nervous about having me under anesthesia since he has seen so many different reactions in the hospital to it.  So we are praying all goes well.  The procedure itself is relatively simple, only taking about 3 to 4 minutes they say,  but I will probably be in the hospital a few hours....
However, we are not 100% certain we can go ahead with the procedure.  They did a urine test in the doc's office, and the test still comes out positive for pregnancy.  That is strike one. This is not completly unnormal, as it takes awhile for levels to go back down and your body still thinks its pregnant.  So I had to go in for a HcG blood draw (I am sooooooooooo getting tired of these draws...yuck!) .  If the levels are lower than when I started pregnancy I will get a green light to go ahead. However, if they are the same or still higher I have to get a second blood test drawn on mother's day (yeah, considering I will be home with Matthew all day[except church of course] by myself while Michael is doing labs for school...no choice on that, he comes or is kicked out of the program).  Not super excited if you can't tell. Anyway, we are hoping all works out with everything.  So many things going on here, so lots and lots of prayers please!!!  What if the levels aren't down or coming down, what will we do? um..yeah...I have no idea!

the news...

So we went in for the second ultrasound today, and there was no heart beat. The doctor looked around for a while to make sure. Last time we saw it very easily, but no luck this time.  She said the baby probably died soon after our last ultrasound. The egg sack was still very large, not too much over the normal, but way big in comparision to the baby .  The baby was still super small.    They said seems very much like a choromsomal abnormality with all the signs. And yes, I did shed a few tears in the doctors office after the official news.

What does that mean now?  Back to square one.  We will wait two weeks to see if the baby comes out on its own, but probably not. Its only a 20% chance, most require D&C aparently.  Our doctor is out of town for two weeks, and only he is covered under our insurance, so we have to wait until he is back.  Another option would be a pill that causes contractions and starts the miscarriage, but that option didn't sound pleasant to me.  They said it was pretty painful. I've heard that from more than one person. We do have the option of getting a D&C done at the doctors office or the hospital. At the doctors office they would not put me totally out, just give some other pain medication so I would still feel the cramping some, but I wouldn't quite be all there either.  The other they would put me out, I'd have the procedure and it would be done.  The procedure itself is very short. So we are going to look at what this would cost us before we decide which route we would take, if that's the route we have to go.  We still have 1,500 left to pay on our deductible, plus the 20% after that.  Our health savings is already gone, but we do have some savings for school that will have to be used. (lucky us all these bills this year, not to mention we have now have to fix some things on our car and just payed a huge school bill also. Good times. i know some of you have definatly been there. So thankful for our savings or at this point we would really be in some serious trouble! :) Glad I learned the habit of saving early on, its been a HUGE blessing for us ).

After that?  We need to wait a month for my body to recover a bit, then we can try again if we want.    At this point I don't know what we will do quite yet. We still need time to process things, look over our finances, and see how we feel about things.  The doctor was pretty optimistic that since we did get pregnant, we could do so again.  I also feel very optimistic about that.  I am greatful that we were able to get pregnant, even though it did not work out because that means there is hope for future pregnancies, or at least one. It is very trying to go through treatments, so how many times we do this will depend on how much we can handle not only financially, but emotionally. 

But overall I am greatful we were able to get pregnant.  I really feel comforted by this, that it did work. Its kind of funny that the very thing that is bringing us great heartache at this time is also the thing the brings us the greatest hope.   I pray the Lord will grant more children to be part of our family, and we are pretty confident He will, no matter how they get to us.  We are thankful to Him and the strength He gives us daily. 
On another note...go BYU! (haha just a tidbit in there to get a smile on your face after reading our news!)

Got the news...

We went in for an ultrasound today and the news was not what we were hoping to hear, but also trying to prepare ourselves for just in case. There is only one baby. When we got the ultrasound the baby was measuring small...no big deal to me cuz Matthew measured small, he still does! (24 lbs, 2 1/2 years old).  But you combine it with the other factors, and it is almost guarenteed there is a genetic abnormality and this pregnancy is not going to survive.  The other factors were: there was a bleed elsewhere in the uterus, the yolk sac was extra large, the size of the baby, and the heartbeat was only about 40 beats a minute, where it should be 100+.  I knew it would not be good news when the first thing she said was "well, there is the baby and the heart is beating about 40 beats a minute". I knew that was way too slow for the baby to survive.  She did not give us much hope for even a slim possibility for survival, unless things suddenly changed super fast.
It was very hard to hear the news, especially after the time and money spent to even get this far.  It will probably take a bit of time to process.  However, for now she said treat the pregnancy as if it is still viable because there is a heart beat, which means I am still taking progrestrone.  This also means if the heart stops beating and normally you would bleed and cramp, this may not happen.  So we are getting an ultrasound done the next friday to see where we are at, and if the baby is still alive at that point.  We will discuss what to do then.
We realize these things happen, and a lot of people have had to go through exactly what we are going through.  However, we ask for your continued prayers for the strength of our family.  One day our family will grow, but when and where is not always up to us. I know the Lord will send a child somehow at the right place and time. Waiting is hard, but I guess it is a great way to learn compassion and patience.
The hardest part is knowing what to do next. We don't really have funds now to keep try much longer, if at all, so if this does not work out, which is highly likely, we will probably wait a few months and then figure out what we can do and when.  We'd love to hear other's stories that have delt with this too. I'm not sure when we will post again, we will just have to see how things go.
In the mean time the best thing we can do is cherish our dear Matthew, who still is more and more of a miracle and everyday. A definate gift from our loving Heavenly Father.

Here we go again...take 2

Six weeks pregnant, cue morning sickness.  Which is actually more like afternoon sickness for me...at least it was with Matthew and so far its the same. Luckily with Matthew I never actually threw up, I just had that awful nausia.  You know, when you want to throw up to make yourself feel better, but it never happens.
Anyway, we got the blood results from today's test back, and yes we are still pregnant!!  Wahoo!  We will have an ultrasound on the 26th, which is a little after they normally would. Their office has been swamped though because they just got a new office, so last week was switching everything around.  I am excited for that, getting to see the baby early :).  (well as long as things keep looking good). 
They told me I will continue the progerstrone until 12 weeks. Fun. Yep anyway that's all signing off for now.

Updates to try number three....

Some of you may have been wondering what the latest is....Its been a crazy and emotional three months.  Three months of medicating and hoping and praying (plus all the time on our own before that).  I warn you, this may be a relatively long post.

When the doctor did the tube test she was expecting different results. She said if she was the doctor she may even reconsider the course of action as to not waste money, or try only once or twice, however, she would leave that decision up to our doctor.  We are very glad he decided to give us the go ahead to try.  As we talked about before, we weren't sure what we would do if this didn't work. We are nearing the end of our money and time for now. We were thinking that the most likely possibility of having another child was to look into foster-to-adoption, and do foster care for a while.  Well, as it turns out, as of today that won't be necessary because we are pregnant! :) :) :). ((By the way not ready to tell the world yet, since we are not far along at all, so please don't post anything on facebook or tell people other than those who live in your house, thanks!)) We are so excited about this.  We want to thank all of you for your faith, prayers and support.  As we said before we really felt we would get pregnant again, at least one more time, but didn't know when that time would be. So we ask for you continued prayers that this child will grow and stay. Our percent of miscarriage is about 30% compared to the normal 15-20%, so a little higher. However, the knowledge this can work for us and at least one tube must be good enough is so freeing.  This definatly leaves us hope that if this didnt work out, it is possible to get pregnant, however slight the chances. We are greatful for modern medicine! We are also greatful to the Lord who has heard our prayers and others. We know this is another miracle!  Normally we would not tell anyone so early, but with our situation and the blog people would start asking sooner or later and we need as many prayers/good thoughts as possible!

We feel so blessed. We know a lot of our friends and family who go through simular issues have not been able to find solutions yet, and I know how hard that is.  We pray for them.  We don't know why sometimes God answers sincere prayer with yes, and others still have to wait for that blessing. But we know all works out for the best.  To those in this situation, keep moving forward, we love you!!

I felt the first time we went to the clinic we were doing the right thing. Not only we were doing the right thing, but it was the right timing to try this as well.  For those of you who don't know Michael just got a new job and into nursing school, both of which start soon, so I feel the timing couldn't be better.  If he was super busy it would be difficult to do the treatments, and the money would have run out long ago.

Again thanks for the prayers and support through this difficult trial in our lives. We truly feel that and are very appreciative. Stay tuned to make sure the pregnancy goes well, and see if we have one, two or three on the way.  Hopefully one or maybe two, don't know how we would deal with three!! But we will take whatever we get and we will be extremly greatful no matter what the case!

For information, we will take a second blood test this week to see if we are still pregnant, and if we are will schedule an ultrasound for the next week. Wish us luck!!!!

Third times a ???

So today we got the IUI again.  We had 3 good eggs. Everything else also looked good.  We thought this would definatly be our last time, but talking to the NP today she said that the doc would not be in for another consultation for a while if this time didn't work, so we should just go for a forth time. However, we hope not to have to try again, of course :).  We are not entirely sure what we will do if it does not work this time. We have spent over 3000 so far, and wiped out our health savings.  It is not only expensive, but a definate emotional roller coaster. The drugs certainly do not help with that.
It definatly hard to find out month after month that there was no success, especially with doctor intervention.  However, everything happens for a reason. 
 I know the Lord creates miracles.  I know he will put a child into our lives when the time is right, but as I said before, I don't know when that time will be.  It is hard to wait and put that trust in God, but his plan is always better.  We are still hoping and praying for a child, another miracle baby. But if not... I am so greatful for the first. He is a handful for sure, but definaly a joy and full of smiles. Growing more each day. :) His current request is for a sister.  So keep that in mind for your prayers :) (ha ha)

looks like....

Looks like we are in for a round three folks.  We were not able to get pregnant. This time it was a little more hard to get the news than the last time around because it does not leave us as hopeful for a third shot.  However, we are going to carry on and hope that third time will be a charm.  We definatly need lots of prayers for health and strength to try again.  Michael only wanted to go through this twice, but he is willing to try this last time.   I really hope we can get pregnant; however, if not, we are considering adoption also.  If we get to that stage we will also continue to discuss that on this page, so you won't be left out. :).  The other option if this does not work is IVF, invetro fertilization. We are not sure we want to do this option, as it costs much much more and is very invasive. (about 10-12,000 plus medication and of course insurance does not cover it, nor does it work everytime).  It would definatly eat up our savings and we really need to hang on to that if michael gets into school this year. So I am not sure if that would even be a real option.  Adoption is also very expensive obviously , so if this route does not work, our next child may not be here for a while...
Anyway, stayed tuned because here we go again....

Updates to try number two

So we got through the first half of the process with number two. I was freaking out a little bit because we had to do the insemination on a day that michael was supposed to work in American Fork (he leaves about 5:30am) and I didn't have a car. So we talked to Michael's bosses and said it was absoultly necessary that he gets the car back at a certain time.  They were okay with that because of our situation, and gave him an hour lunch break instead of the normal half hour.  I felt better, but still a little nervous because you never really know with the hospital. Leaving or taking lunch at a certain time is very very difficult because you never know what is going to come at you, or when they will suddenly have a need.  Anyway, five o clock the next morning we get a call saying they don't need him in American Fork anymore and he was on call.  Thankfully he didn't get called in until 6:45 in Provo. Matthew got up, and I was able to take him to work....WAHOO!  Check point one, have a car. Now the next item is with the IUI things need to be timed just so, this was going to be tricky again with hospital schedule. Michael told them he needed a break right at a certain time, and thankfully that happened.   So I was able to take everything and go to the doctor who did the IUI. She said everything went just fine, counts were good and so forth.  So cross our fingers again.
Other interesting things...four eggs this time. Three on the right, one on the left.  Two on the right were not big enough to mature (they gave us a printout of the egg sizes, kind of funny, but whatever).  So virtually one on each side.
Also when I gave the shot to myself (yes I did it myself!) I had a reaction,nothing serious. I had them look at the area, just very red about an inch or so around the shot area and a little swollen.  They told me to just watch it, make sure it dosen't get any bigger and put some creme on it to help take away burning or itching and some slight pain.

That's about all, as eventful as it gets folks :)

Here we go again!

So we got the okay to try again.  I am probably not going to post all the details again, so wish us luck!  We are excited (well kind of...lol) to start again.I am not a fan of taking the progrestrone (hot flashes were awful!), and not excited about the needle or the stress of going to the doctor muliple times in a week, but other than that I guess you could say we are.  I will let you know if anything different happens, or if anything changes.  From my ultrasound today the doc said I was "boringly normal."  Ha, guess that's one situation where that would be a good thing!

try try again....

So the insemination didn't work this time, so we will try again.  Not super excited about all the hormones and injection to take, but that's what you gotta do.  We are a little disappointed, but not totally bummed as we are kind of getting used to this news at this point.  However, we are still hoping for the best and will still proceed! :).  Orginally the nurse told us we might have to wait a month to try again (i'm not sure why) but the lady on the phone said to call her and we'll get the ball rolling for a second time soon.  So we will see when we can get things started.  Thanks your continued prayers are appreciated!!! We are not giving up yet! :)

Step six...IUI

So got the IUI today, everything went fine. Counts looked good, we are hoping motility is okay as well.  Was a much better experience then the tube test for sure!!!  Probably the easiest thing we have done to this point.  If you want more detail then that you can ask, but for most this will be enough info :).  However, it has been a stressing and tiring week with three trips to the doc, medicating, and timing things just so. I am glad to just relax for a bit other than taking the progrestrone. So at this point its the waiting game. If it works, we will know for sure in a few weeks, if not, we will have to wait a month or two then try again. So until later....

the needle...

So I did not want to inject myself with a needle. I don't mind needles, I am never bothered by getting a shot, however, giving myself one is not my idea of fun. So Michael gave it to me. That was not a great experience either.   He did fine, but its just the thought. I much rather people that don't know give me shots...

Step four...another ultrasound

So we are in the insurance no longer covers this phase, and payed our first $190 today for an ultrasound. Fun fun.  However, there was some good news.  There are three potential eggs, two on the left side and one on the right. There are two viable ones, and one that has no potential as it is not a mature egg.  This means one on each side. This is good because we are not sure which one of the tubes really works!  So friday morning they do the insemination. This means tonight I get to give myself a shot in the stomach of HCG to trigger the eggs. (it is very cool they can see them before they come).  Then early morning on friday we go in. It is about 1/2 hour process, after bringing the sperm in to get washed.  They wash the sperm so that they are pure and the good ones are the ones that get through. They hope to have five million.  So any rate, after all this, I still have only the normal 20% chance of becoming pregnant if at least one tube is functioning.  At most I could possibly have twins, but it is pretty rare still. With artificial insemination they usually get just one, but there was two cases of twins in the last year.  So we will see.  Wish us the best!

Step Three...HSG

So for those of you who have done the HSG before you know it is not a pleasant experience.  They put some dye up in the uterus and tubes, it is supposed to darken them up.  Then they take pictures and you get bad cramps the rest of the day...fun!
The news however, was not exactly what we wanted to hear.  However, we are still not giving up hope! :).  The left tube is open, this is good. However, the shape and the way the dye filled in was not normal, which means there could be issues in relation to that they just don't know.  There are surgery options, etc, but they would not fix this problem.  We are out of luck in that area. We just hope it in't bad enough to create problems.
 The right tube would not allow dye into it at all. This means one of two things.  First, the tube is blocked or diseased.  This option would not allow for getting pregnant at all when the egg comes out that side. The other option is that the tissues down there contracting to squeeze off the tube so it would not allow the dye through, and the tube is normal. They said chances of either are 50-50.
So what now? Well, unless we get a call from our doctor directing otherwise we will go through with the IUI as planned.  This means on Wed this week when we go in we are hoping the egg decides to come out on the left side.  If it does they will proceed with the plan. If it comes out the right side they may not choose to try it since we don't know if the right side is blocked or not. This means another month of waiting and pills and hoping it comes out.  We will just have to see what the doctor says.  Anyway, just keeping your updated.  Again, we appreciate your prayers and concern.
Oh, and one more thing, knowing this we are even more greatful for our dear little Matthew who seems to be more of a miracle baby  anytime we get more tests done!

Step two...nastiness

So Clomid for those who don't know is only taken 5 days. It is one or two pills a day depending on your situation.  There are a lot of possible side affects of it, nausea, cranky moods, insomonia ,spotting, and increases chances of mulitiples to 4-5% up from the normal 1%. So far no side affects...hallelujiah!  However the stuff is NASTY !  Even with swollowing it with water quickly, it melts within seconds in your mouth. I have never tasted anything so awful!  I don't recommend it! Anyway, finally done with that stage.  Next week we see the doctor three times. First time is for the test where they dye to tubes, which I've heard is so not pleasant. Next an ultrasound, followed by the IUI. After that a little bit of a waiting game, probably another ultrasound, etc.
  I am not a huge fan of doing things artificially. So this was definatly not my first choice to go about getting pregnant this way, but still we feel good about at least trying it.  More info after the testing next week to see where we are!

Step one...

 This blog is to document our experiences with infertility for our friends and family. Wait, we already have a child....yep we do, and that's where we will start, with our miracle baby! 

We tried for a little over a year and a half for our dear Matthew.  After we had been trying for six months I had a strong feeling out of the blue one day that we would get pregnant and it would be a miracle.  It was comforting to me that this would happen.  After we got to the year mark we started to wonder, it was then we started going in for testing.  We went to a regular family doctor (anyone who needs testing done for this I would defiantly recommend starting with an OB by the way!) The going was slow, but we were started. We got some necessary testing done, and yes a problem surfaced. This didn't make it impossible to get pregnant, only very very difficult.  This was on Michael's side of the deal.  So a few months of more testing did not bring any more problematic news.  I was starting to wonder when this miracle baby would occur. We talked with Michael's grandpa who was an OB about the hard time we were having getting pregnant, who told us two things...don't try so hard, and get a priesthood blessing for both of us. We did so. The blessing again promised us we would become pregnant.  A month later, as we were preparing to do the final test the doctor ordered (testing to make sure the tubes weren't blocked) we found out we were pregnant with Matthew...HURRAY!  

Fast forward to the time he is a year old, we decide its time to try for another.  We tried again for another year, with no luck.  This time we decided to take our test results from three years earlier and go to a fertility specialist.  We found out extra information from him, that my hormone levels are in the right range, however, they are in a reverse order than most women's are (one is usually higher than the other). He says this may be an indication that most times I am producing an egg, but occasionally I may not be.  Other than that the tests look good. We do have to get the tube testing done, however. He also said by 18 months 95% of couples can conceive, which means there is a problem somewhere. Michael's condition was discussed and we talked about the option of surgery.  We had looked into and read about it, but didn't know how much it would help which is why we really decided to go to a fertility specialist. He said the surgery would help us up our chances by 15%, sounds like a good number, however when you compare it with the test results, it would not be enough to make the expensive surgery worthwhile.  I don't remember exactly what he said but something like in a normal male 65% of the sperm are good enough to make it to an egg, in our case it is only 14%, so if you add the 15% to that, it is still only 29% and is still far below normal.  So we decided to forgo the expensive surgery option.  
 Next issue, the tube testing we did not do. We know there is at least one tube open because Matthew is here (hurray!), we don't know about the other. If it is not, again decreases our chances of becoming pregnant.   So knowing all this I really realize Matthew was indeed a miracle!  Its not impossible for us to get pregnant, but it is highly improbable.  

Solution?  After looking at the results from testing, we have decided to go with three rounds of IUI, artificial insemination.  This is the least expensive option (but even this adds up!) and also a good fit for us.  We feel good about going forward with this option.  What happens is I have to be on Clomid, HcG, and Progesterone (one of those is a needle to the stomach). I have to track everything closely, as soon as I get a positive ovulation test we run to the doctor the next day or two and do the insemination.  It is about $350 a time.  After 3 month trying, if it doesn't work, we do some more thinking, testing, and see if there are other options for us.  (next option is IVF I think, but at 10,000 not sure if we want to do this or not, especially since it does not necessarily work).  

We are hopeful, and hoping for success, and yes we got another priesthood blessing :).  We are so grateful that we have adequate savings, as the insurance covers only some testing.  We will have payed $250 for the first doctors visit, $170 for an ultrasound, around $166 for these medications, This is almost 1,000 which is not including everything just the things  we know so far, and I know there are more ultrasounds to come.  Without our savings we would never be able to afford any of this on Michael's salary! (we barely make rent..ha ha!) So we are truly blessed and grateful for that money we decided to start saving early on (although we thought we were saving for Michael's schooling and living expenses).  Doing this has enabled us the freedom to attempt to grow our little family, and we are very grateful!  

We are thankful for the many prayers on our behalf.  We will feel we will get pregnant again, but when that time is I don't know, nor how that will occur.  It has been a struggle at times going through this, but it is nice to talk to many other couples who have been there and are currently going through similar issues.   We will keep this updated as we get more news about testing, etc. Thanks again for your support and prayers, they are appreciated!!